"They're Such a Try Hard...."
What's so wrong with that?
“Ugh, What a Try Hard!” I remember hearing this phrase a lot in my adolescence and young adulthood. As if trying to do something new or different was a bad thing. I even bought into this narrative, often saying the phrase in a scathing tone. As if, I were better than the person trying to do something different.
Honestly, I am that try hard. I always have been. Perhaps, I followed along in this half baked narrative because I was insecure about all of the interests that I had and sought to pursue them all. Why couldn't I just stick to one thing? I would think repeatedly. Trying to stuff all of my interests into a too small backpack to hide. Afraid to express my interests due to many a time when I actually did try to share them I would be met with a condescending rhetoric:
“Oh, you want to dance? Okay let’s see it?”
“Huh? You’re interested in pursuing fashion design? What have you designed? Are you any good?”
If you know you know. I am sure more than one of you has experienced an interaction something like this. I saw someone say recently; “It’s not like I ask a person who has a passion for accounting to show me how they do math!” That really hit home and got me thinking even more about this topic of being a try hard.
In elementary school I wanted to be a writer (go figure! lol) My favorite free time activity in the first grade was reading books in the literary corner in our classroom. I adored all of the stories and wanted to create my own stories too. I used to write little notes to my mom and grandparents over the years, testing my writing expertise.
Also in 4th grade I took after school dance and tap class. I watched Savion Glover on Sesame Street and Gregory Hines just dropped the movie TAP! I desired to pursue a career in dance as a tap dancer. I thought, perhaps I could go on Broadway? The thought scared me but also excited me.
When I was in the 4th grade, our glass would go to the ice skating rink once a week for 8 weeks. It was a challenge at first, but I loved it. I wanted to be an ice skater. I loved watching the Winter Olympics ice skating competitions. I thought “Wow! That could be me!”
In the 6th grade, we had a guest artist come in one afternoon. The artist played music for the class while we painted. The exercise was to “paint what you feel” as you listen to the music. I painted flowing lines and leaves with scattered blooms. It didn’t make much sense to me, but I felt it. I started to ponder, Charissa as an artiste?
I bought my first non-teeny bopper magazine in the 7th grade. There was an article in Seventeen Magazine about Betsey Johnson and her daughter Lulu. I kept that magazine and re-read it probably 1000 times. I was enthralled with their style, innovative, and funky designs. Maybe I could too be a fashion designer?! To this day Betsey Johnson is still one of my favorite fashion designers. I just love her edginess.
With 8th grade, came my first ever poem, “Hands” which unlocked the poet in me. The need to write came back to me, you will see this theme often as I continued on my thirst to try and do everything that held my creative interests.
High School brought about my 3 wishes for a creative career path. Fashion, dance and writing. I took dance class for 3 years, often performing in front of our entire school as well as a few non-school related performances in the area. Once I was on stage, all fear left my body and I let dance take over.
Fashion re-emerged Senior Year when I applied for the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. Of course, if you read my post “It’s Never Too Late To Start Again” you already know what happened there. (I’ll link it below for reference 😉)
Writing never left my soul. Although, during a Sophomore year writing assignment on poetry it allowed me to further delve into my passion for poems. We practiced haiku’s sonnets, acrostic poems, and free verse. Of course, my favorite is free verse. I absolutely dislike being put in a box. If you couldn't already tell.
All creative pursuits that I could see myself seeking and achieving at some point in my life. If I really went for them. So, what was holding me back? Other than the financial stability to be able to pursue any and all of them. Let’s be real, I did not grow up like Britney Spears or Taylor Swift. My family was not well off enough to be able to move me from one state to another to pursue any and all of my dreams. It was the fear of being made fun of by my peers. Of trying to do too many things. A “try hard” before the term was even a term. Quite honestly this fear and the societal projections I had witnessed unto others that strived to pursue their many interests is what stunted my growth in all of these fields.
So, what’s the deal? Why does the majority of society paint someone with various interests in a negative light? Some would even call these interests hobbies in adulthood. Knitting, hiking, lifting, makeup tutorials, cross stitch…etc.
What is the difference between someone that has many hobbies versus a try hard? Is it the fact that a try hard, dare to believe in themselves enough to pursue their interests as a means of living?
Should we hold a 9a-5p stable job that one may despise while pursuing a creative outlet like, tap or figure skating as a hobby outside of the career that they did not wish to hold in the first place? The answer is a resounding hell no.
In all honesty, I believe it is a patriarchal trap. As women, throughout time we have been told how to feel, look, and act. Be a caring mother, a house wife, take care of the home while the “strong” male provider goes to work to…well, provide. I just envisioned Al Bundy coming back home from a long day at the shoe store with his hand down his pants on the couch. Woof! That is something I will NEVER sign up for. lol
Time and again women that have expressed their countless interests and intent to pursue them have been labeled “too much” or not the marrying type. To be clear, whoever said all women wanted to be the marrying type in the first place? Oh, that’s right…men. 🙄 By all accounts, this warped theory has worked this long and continues to do so. However, it is inspiring to see so many women and men waking up and throwing that shit-ass view out of the window! Solidarity ya’ll! 👊🏽
Not to take up too much time and anyhow, I think I got my perspective across. Over the years I have been told by four friends now, that I am a “Jill of All Trades.” I wear that title with pride. Funnily enough, I wrote a poem earlier this year titled “Jane of All Things.” Precisely what this post embodies and the societal projections placed upon the creatives that love to try hard. 😉
Jane of All Things What do you do When you're told you're too many things? Question the thought? Smile with placated grace? Was that a compliment? Perhaps a passive aggressive phrase? It's rather here nor there But whatever the case, I take these too many things Yes, I take them I take them all in Picking up each object one by one, piece by piece, collecting them all in a little cloth bag drawing it tight, securing it nicely with pretty pink bow Storing all these possessions safely in my mind, body, and soul Waiting patiently until the moment is right to introduce each one It truly is a sight to see Because being too many things to me it's a thing of beauty ~Sisa del Valle
Reborn, Refreshed, Renewed 🧚🏽
Yellow and green leaves falling from trees Lining the sidewalk as I make my way to the Subway Crunch crunch crunch A brisk stride on my way Clear skies and crisp air as the birds chirp gaily Cars honk to move out of the way Unable to move; suddenly stopped in place Admiring the beauty Of the world around me; seen anew With fresh eyes; grateful views …
It's Never too Late to Start Again
Ever wonder what the obsession with youth is in society? I mean beyond the obvious: less wrinkles, more energy, faster metabolism…etc. For the majority, with youth also comes less lived experiences. By all accounts, (in healthy adults) our brain’s temporal lobe is not entirely fully developed until age 25.
